i woke up from a night of wretched coughing...the last day i am sure of a five day cold. i get the same cold repeatedly, for years.
i only sleep in the early morning, after seven. so when i began to stir, i thought of my wishneed for regular body deep tissue massages and stretches, if not reiki. i think of the men i tried to get that from. both professionals, an indian guy in trinidad and a red guy in tobago. both of whom i ended up having personal relations/ it then led me down a path in general, where i began to think of men's hands. I always have. my father has big capable healing hands . i knew he used to massage my mother. i know somehow for me i connect a relationship with massages. healing, therapeutic , restorative. a relationship to me is not just presentation nor superficial. it is a function of high purpose.
but those thoughts led me further..i thought of what i see and experience. the games for sure, but more than anything cowardice, the lack of bravery, and really and truly you cant have the latter if you are not all there in one place and space, and if you are not playing games , and if you are not serious. and if you are not all gathered together, having done the most minimal of work as a self actualized individual. but i then thought, I want to explore this topic of courage, cowardice and bravery. i want to have a conference on it.
it then led me to think how much males and men fraid fire, cause that is the stuff of which i appear most visible. then i thought, it is a fluke that trinidad have any firemen at all. so men fraid fire here. too much real, too much realism, too much intensity, too much boldness.
years now I know..knew; came to the realization that the man i am to be with is to be a curandero. it almost seems so crystal clear as if written down somewhere, apart from my hands and books.
i write that and then i think of the spiritual mother sister I tried to adopt in central, a lady my father sent me to, and just before the time the syrian psychic trained me in reiki and gave me the reading to help my brother, it was to take him to the light and rest, after being deceased but not dead and resting for twenty three years..and I asked her to accompany me. She refused. My father's wife, a woman nine years younger than me she declined and told me when you do that they can come for you. I considered all of that cowardice. for when you have work to do you have work to do, do you claim excuses? when you have a calling in life and you are doing your life work, even if accidents happen, do you shirk your steps? so that is what i learned of mother. she did something once, and it went wrong and she never there ventured again. and that to me is all proof of how i see such spiritualists here...if you are for real, there is your limit. and to me if you are for real, there is no limit, you just have to do your work and be sharp, strategic and awake to survive. so perhaps it is women too who are not brave, of courage.
and it comes up in a lot of ways. do you have the courage to be different? to not be a baby mama. to do without rather than to take whatever is offered? to walk your path fearlessly even among constant jeers, to try the untried to fix the country even? especially when it would seem like it is futile. perhaps too there are spaces where I am not brave. I will put my life on the line, but not for people who could care less about my efforts/ or those who would not even come to my funeral...so i diverted but it was to show, bravery and courage is a universally individual thing...you need it for every area, sphere and locale of your life.
one of the biggest and bravest thing a person can do is not make an enemy of someone who challenges them, their ideas of themselves, or the work they attempt. that to me is the biggest sign of weakness and cowardice. waves a rose. braveboy is such an amazing last name here in the caribbean
i only sleep in the early morning, after seven. so when i began to stir, i thought of my wishneed for regular body deep tissue massages and stretches, if not reiki. i think of the men i tried to get that from. both professionals, an indian guy in trinidad and a red guy in tobago. both of whom i ended up having personal relations/ it then led me down a path in general, where i began to think of men's hands. I always have. my father has big capable healing hands . i knew he used to massage my mother. i know somehow for me i connect a relationship with massages. healing, therapeutic , restorative. a relationship to me is not just presentation nor superficial. it is a function of high purpose.
but those thoughts led me further..i thought of what i see and experience. the games for sure, but more than anything cowardice, the lack of bravery, and really and truly you cant have the latter if you are not all there in one place and space, and if you are not playing games , and if you are not serious. and if you are not all gathered together, having done the most minimal of work as a self actualized individual. but i then thought, I want to explore this topic of courage, cowardice and bravery. i want to have a conference on it.
it then led me to think how much males and men fraid fire, cause that is the stuff of which i appear most visible. then i thought, it is a fluke that trinidad have any firemen at all. so men fraid fire here. too much real, too much realism, too much intensity, too much boldness.
years now I know..knew; came to the realization that the man i am to be with is to be a curandero. it almost seems so crystal clear as if written down somewhere, apart from my hands and books.
i write that and then i think of the spiritual mother sister I tried to adopt in central, a lady my father sent me to, and just before the time the syrian psychic trained me in reiki and gave me the reading to help my brother, it was to take him to the light and rest, after being deceased but not dead and resting for twenty three years..and I asked her to accompany me. She refused. My father's wife, a woman nine years younger than me she declined and told me when you do that they can come for you. I considered all of that cowardice. for when you have work to do you have work to do, do you claim excuses? when you have a calling in life and you are doing your life work, even if accidents happen, do you shirk your steps? so that is what i learned of mother. she did something once, and it went wrong and she never there ventured again. and that to me is all proof of how i see such spiritualists here...if you are for real, there is your limit. and to me if you are for real, there is no limit, you just have to do your work and be sharp, strategic and awake to survive. so perhaps it is women too who are not brave, of courage.
and it comes up in a lot of ways. do you have the courage to be different? to not be a baby mama. to do without rather than to take whatever is offered? to walk your path fearlessly even among constant jeers, to try the untried to fix the country even? especially when it would seem like it is futile. perhaps too there are spaces where I am not brave. I will put my life on the line, but not for people who could care less about my efforts/ or those who would not even come to my funeral...so i diverted but it was to show, bravery and courage is a universally individual thing...you need it for every area, sphere and locale of your life.
one of the biggest and bravest thing a person can do is not make an enemy of someone who challenges them, their ideas of themselves, or the work they attempt. that to me is the biggest sign of weakness and cowardice. waves a rose. braveboy is such an amazing last name here in the caribbean
No comments:
Post a Comment