Ancestral Float and Esoteric Movement

"So, what are your therapists saying they think is wrong? And, what do you think is wrong or not right?"

so many things to respond and also dont know what to respond.

imagine first.

people want to get rid of a person, and they get the news, message, from a spiritual reading (they could not be told that is where it came from..cause they dont believe in orisa)...that they cant get rid of me until "I get the skills and tools to survive" (as if i did not survive before now, before them, eh. but that is another query)...and so for someone they think are leeching off of them and using them, they now have to pay what amounts to $1000 a week for me to get those tools.

Therapy.

That dont seem ironic to you?

That dont tell you we are living a spiritual story here. not a human one?

You know what that tells me. There purpose is to take care of me, and not because of me but because of the ancestors I embody in a way that is not normal. IN a session yesterday with the two women i photographed and posted, the one to the top left said, "She is more orisa than the two of us" and my cousin supposed to be this big Iya and Priestess/ Them identify as orisa, and initiated. I have not/

Then she told me she does not see me, she sees strength, as an old slave woman. I am ancient and I am with many ancestors about me. and is not the first time that has been told to me. it is the second time from a regular person saying it. The male therapist I see he told me that in the first session too.

The very thing that is tormenting them, and they blame me for, is the very meal they are being forced to eat. and it getting bigger and bigger i find that amazing.

 

What the therapist saying?

They sent me to get therapy cause i am the problem right? I am the pathology? I am sick. Something wrong with me. I hear that in various ways. Even heard last night how my aunt is afraid they put me on medication and that shocked me. cause it told me these people really mad. intend to make me mad and doing everything to try and bear that out, when only the opposite is emerging. It is them.

So the therapist told my aunt how she was harsh to me some years ago when i went to spend time and bond wiht her and she yelled at me telling me she dont need no supervisor. she was gardening. Out of the blue. sick people. I never forgot it cause it showed me who she was, and how she saw me/ and nothing has changed since then.

Then it came out in just one session that is not me they have a problem with it is their hatred for my father they project onto me, making me the problem then.

IT is their deep unresolved, abiding trauma and hurt of losing their beloved sister, and cousin that they blame him for. and i am being made to pay for that. And add to that, My refusal to fight him as they wanted me to for land and house and inheritance. They have it in for me>

That it is clear they are the problem. They created this problem. A clap of broken hurt people looking for someone to blame and lighten their pain. and it is me

Then they say how i defend my father and they cant talk to me about him or the story . but they dont realize they never talk of Carl, his name. but it is always, "Your father" So what the fuck are you saying?

They just dont like my blood. pure and simple.

I keep viewing and thinking of them as friends and the one family that kept me sane among the trauma and dysfunction of my family home only to find in this life decades later, that they are my enemy and collective nemesis.

so there is never any pause with them to absorb their role and behavior. just constant volley, constant attack. constant fight down

And i realize another big part of that is that I am the full embodiment of what all of them wish they could be, and that infuriates and enrages them all the more

It is an unending rope they wish to hang me. and hanging themselves in the process. creating much suffering

And all i am doing is what the sister reflected back to me last night: Just surviving. and "Riding the wave , floating off my ancestors"... their making and direction

 It was hard yesterday. it was explosive. I have never been so enraged , never emoted to that extent. i told them they are mad no ass

I am still not feeling myself today

 

read my posts from last night about 11pm.

All of them. the photos. of Egungun.

That is what my cousin;s friend told me. in front of my cousin. I am ancestral. I am Egungun. I came home and researched it cause I did not know of it. never heard the name or word.. It is allowing me to explain and process all of this stuff

They think it is me who needs help but it is not me. It is them. Toxic Pained People in Deep Suffering.
But their insistence to attack me keeps just blessing and elevating me. and that is the deep irony.

 
Trying to share and have a conversation with them, my cousin, about the therapist breakthroughs, messages and feedback and realizing all is just offense to them that creates more wounds and conflicts, just has shut me down for yet another time. A mistake that I shall not repeat.

I am exhausted. now

And that is also what the therapist said Wedn before this blowout. I am burnt out/

They think they have worked so hard in life and I am riding on their coat tails, completely blindsided that I may just have worked harder than they ever could or survive in this life, and it is their price to pay, to me as embodiment of all the past lives and ancestors. the denying that is creating a bigger price for them, and perhaps me too

my life and experiences are so far over their heads, even as they were present for much of it, it is like they werent, they arent. and it is causing great problems. but i guess that is the destiny


and i feel in the rising up yesterday,  the flaring up of my ignited soul, the blaze, my ancestral collective got riled up, disheveled, thrown into disarray, and the focus now is to reassemble them back into a calm . the question is who is going to take lead, and which on what spot, what positions, what corner, what purpose, mission. i feel that in my soul. i dont feel good. I dont feel like before. I do feel very famished. very low energy.  great constitutional discord