Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Dada, Carl and Me

so carrie is gone?
cause why is bbc doing a retrospective of her work
and referring to her as "was"
yes. it ended.
fuck you 2016.
not for me. but for your rash racking
at least carrie fought back star wars
she did not go easy
another parent burying her child
will be interesting to see when her mother pulls her plug
such an interesting evening
saw a male cousin , essentially telling me that i took form and function of our grandfather who was a heavy hand patriarch, controller/ he was attempting to explain why 'he came for me; and i told him i never did. he came for me. but as he spoke i understood. he wanted to take over Dada;s role and saw me as his only rival for something that did not even come up on my radar. but now speaks to the kind of wombmyn i am . and moor said it: IRON
it also was another part of the puzzle and i said it to him..."do you realize that is all the negative, fight, attack and maligning of me from everybody.. matriarch come down...cause I am a woman being the authority of who they say only a man can wield. and so something must be wrong with.me. It was bizarre. too earth shattering a truth erupted in too quiet a mode and to brief a moment, literally no more than ten. and then we were interrupted/
life and me
it is really deep too cause this one male in my family is telling me amongst all the many and varied women in our family, i am the one who shows up like the patriarch. if it was not me, I'd be saying, buh wha d ass.. but it is me, aso all i am saying equally is wha. see. this explains it. this explains everything
and that is why he is protecting, carrying and covering me. and they still dont get it.
Carrie is only 60. if that/ crazy.

What Neal did not process is that i am the masculine hetero female wombmyn i am because of Carl my father, but he insists it is because of Dada, my grandfather. We have no idea how much our perspective, lives and personal experiences form and frame our thought patterns and projections

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