after a few hours in an establishment with friends, a gentleman at another table came across to talk with me at an interlude by myself.
between telling me about how he perceived me, the man begins to unfold a screed of self-indictments. he himself was shocked and disturbed to the extent of seeming to run, at the recognition of why and how he was telling me so much about himself and he did not know me. twice he tried to tell me, while looking around- clear from a scene from tv- about not betraying his trust to repeat his story. and i had to remind him the second time that i dont even know his name, such was the folly of his concern.
while admitting he was drunk, he told me he was divorced with three children. asking me about my life, he seemed to go deeper within himself to tell me things that neither came up, were relevant or connected to questions I asked. I asked what he did to cause his divorce. And what did she do to cause it. His response was to tell me she was depressed. i never got a chance to delve as to exactly what that mean and to the extent. Then he also told me he use to con people. I asked what did that look like and he said they stole ids and conned banks with fake credit card accounts. and seemingly did this for large ticket items for he got swindled trying to purchase or make a down payment for a vehicle. but the car dealer knew of him by a mutual who informed him of his scenes and tricks. all this this man told me but you know what his complaint was, to tell me how he dont understand how his ex-wife lets his boys stay home from school just because they want to.
now at the time i was not as much in self reflection mode of the conversation. i too thought it fascinating how this man just watch me, come to talk to me, most people dont do that, then proceeded to unburden his heart of all his dirty deeds. he first said the divorce happened because he was cheating. i tried to quell his concern by telling him he was unburdening, but really and truly, i was and am just as perplexed at that whole interaction
But here is the thing. you know what strikes me today. the level and heights at which that man was in deep dissonance. the level of separation of perspective of his deeds and acts compared to his wife. he not only a criminal, an illegal, a thief, a liar, a cheat, destroyed his home and family--- he even said how the divorce affected his children and never thought that it would -- surprise surprise...the sleep walking selfish ones..///
the point i am trying to make is that despite the long list of his indiscretions to put it mildly, this man had the madness and gall to talk about his wife, and his complaint: she letting the children stay home from school a day when they want and that she had depression. and hear his cap of her faults: If she did not know what she had, and that he was working to keep the relationship and family together for 16/17 years, and she decided to throw it away, what could he do. no more
i share this with you as a picture of maledom. the complete throwing off and away of any responsibility, accountability, honesty. but instead some warped view of gross imbalance where everything is projected to the other , the woman. i just saw someone doing that and it put it in mind of what i was listening to last night
these men know? how crazy they are?
i felt sad for the woman...I would have no doubt that poor woman's depression was as a result of the shit that man dragged her through for a whole life of family. if he could come and tell me he was conning people..you imagine the extent of the tricks.
what to say? how to deal?
i am a person where on a personal level I deal with my shit and i leave you to yours, but i cant understand this practice of people telling others, and really it is males telling females about themselves. why . how. what is your right and privilege?
justification, orientation?
sigh
i wish i thought of it. I should have charged him a $400 listening fee.
but that con story eh...
people walking around normel normel normel. criminals and illegals
dressed in city professional issuances
and you would never know
and i think that is so common
just to different varying degrees
but when a man tries to swindle a woman for use of money, assets, resources..that too is a con
sigh
one day when i get over how crazy the world is and how upside down twisted and corrupted the population, i will stop writing, contending, musing and sharing on the matter.
i shall stop one day even considering any specie, no matter that be my main interaction given my gender.
i wonder people who want to tell you about yourself..is it that they wish you more palatable to them and thus it is there show of some kind of vulnerability and sensitivity? or is that thinking and aligning some kind of my own madness?
Ezekiel 36:26!!
you know i thought it would be quite amusing if a camera crew followed me around while i was out and about'; recording conversations, taping scenes. last evening was one of the best. last week talking to my boys via a skit they performed one by one, no discussion, no set up, no intro, no cue, no agreement...like seven of them just fell into mockingly depicting women's views, perceptions and complaints about them to them. that should have made celluloid or digital!. it would make for interesting viewing...and then in the midst, me and my tearful or sucking up moments exposing and deconstructing painful experiences.. Reminds me of yesterday...a friend of a friend..made this wonderful comment about "selling dreams"
that that is what men do to women or women to men, at job interviews, or at discussions on gigs when people tell you, take this job nuh but i dont have plenty money but more money and opportunity will come. all of that. Is dreams dreams selling and that is such a lovely phrase, cause is really lies and scams people pulling. one of the biggest scams: go to school, become educated and get a good job and lifetime security. that may well be the biggest scame of this early twenty first century. that and an economy will always be there for you to be part of the system. you still sheep as the system and economy falls away off a cliff. see the dream: this time rounds: is the system and economy off a cliff. not the sheep, even though they going down too. paradoxical times.
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