Late 2014 Dawnings

an epiphany just made my eyes fly open.
for the last two  years, my own thirst and desperation,
want and perceived needs led me to encounters
with more of the same and worse

and in 2013 as now, i meet people seeking to take advantage of others
the only difference is this time I see it.
this time i am not ploughing through with myself
i pull back, grab a pipe, and watch the scenes

i am acknowledging that the signs were there
i just ignored them believing moving driving through with my own fuel
and it is not to be done so

i am also saying that the landscape is so bereft
and so overpopulated with predators and schemers,
here is not the character to be found
just reapers of what they havent the skill to sow

i am searching all the blindspots, cleaning out all the stagnant energy
i believe i think i am forming an understanding that when you try to do something in life, either by yourself or with another person, and it fails, you run into a wall...something that ends abruptly or not...if there is not some kind of ploughing through, acceptance, responsibility, clearing far beyond closure it creates a space of blockage. a cavve so to speak that you must blast through to the other side. and then it sits and gets corrupted and becomes baggage but not like luggage, but like caves. i see what i am trying to convey but the language is not there. but imagine if you are an industrious ambitious person how many caves,  volcanoes, deadends,  walls, labyrinthes and rat traps you would have just in your pursuit of cheese

it is those spaces i am trying to identify, locate and excavate
i am testing my own frequencies, vibrations,  to see what called all my experiences to me. that was the thought that made my eyes flew open-- why was i born here> why was i brought here in 2003? how is it that I belong here? and of all the things i say of this place, is that too  my vibration? and if we believe the theory that all our experiences and encounters are a function of our vibration then the answer is yes.
the mode and response I choose then, is how do i fix this. what kind of outcome, life, experiences and people do i want around me. and how can i tune into the dial to embody and command that existence.

sitting here doing work in silence . work that is neither valued, demanded in the market or imbibed: "you are an excellent writer" in a country of illiteracy.  the lack of alignment from outer to inner to landscape and the abounding ironies and paradoxes. a degree and education, training and expertise cultured for human transformation and economic evolution but we are a chosen mired plantation. the artist who only draws knowing spirits and universal symbols amidst a population of douen zombies. absence of alignment

i thought 2014 has been a year of intent and emphasized missions only for me to realize as october rolls around it is for me to just sit back and stop changing, trying to change, move, moving, trying to move.not by my intent and speed but to let the flow move me. let others carry me, provide for me. reads crazy but is so/ paradoxically: Take Responsibility but Do Nothing