there are several things i am immensely grateful for in my life.
one is that i never fell into drugs, the streets, homelessness or degenerate prostitution (have no problem with elegant courtesanship)
in response to any manner of trauma or challenge.
the other thing i am immensely grateful for never having in my life...and yes i say thank god while i write, 'yea though i walk through the valley of death' or, 'there before god go i' =-- statements that indicate one's chance and grace not to have befallen a thing, NOT that you are better than those who have...but I am grateful that i have never been physically abused, abused, in general, a battered woman, a woman of low or no self esteem, or imbibing stories of those who mean you nothing good like religion and societal norms that tell women they are to be doormats and buckets for men...but all these domestic violence dynamics floating around-- why i stayed, understanding victims and victimhood, understanding patriarchy that gives all the excuses to men, or how a woman should never get up in a man's face--and i have never done that either...my anger was always to a safe distance. but though as I write that i remember my lover, Lazarre, pushed me onto a sofa once and i bounced back up so bad and ran into him, pushing him. then we were at a party and some guy was giving me so much attention and brother came and held me up to the wall by my neck. I went ballistic. but If i was not writing i would not have ever remembered those incidents...and i am saying that is part of the story.
i am grateful that my fire energy and character of being a fighter and warrior will raise the hell up once a hand is put on me . The first time. There is no accepting and waiting. Fire right back. Nip that in the bud. Go crazy. IT will never be acceptable.
I am grateful I have never crossed over into deeper waters.
watching HLN interviewing the #whyistayed hashtag woman
overall, i generally didnt stay when stupidity, madness, dysfunction and ugly was going on/ But i see something that gives me concern in current times, because I have gotten older it seems I am more patient with the lot-- seeing how amoebic, crippled, and wane the population of real men, it is like there are things that i fought against in my youth that i just pass, say excuse me and siddle on by, accepting it in a way...and i am realizing that is a dangerous way to be..for it can easily be the slide that lets slip all manner of bad treatment...that you then have to extricate from
Sigh..
all these determinations
to just trying to live and love
one is that i never fell into drugs, the streets, homelessness or degenerate prostitution (have no problem with elegant courtesanship)
in response to any manner of trauma or challenge.
the other thing i am immensely grateful for never having in my life...and yes i say thank god while i write, 'yea though i walk through the valley of death' or, 'there before god go i' =-- statements that indicate one's chance and grace not to have befallen a thing, NOT that you are better than those who have...but I am grateful that i have never been physically abused, abused, in general, a battered woman, a woman of low or no self esteem, or imbibing stories of those who mean you nothing good like religion and societal norms that tell women they are to be doormats and buckets for men...but all these domestic violence dynamics floating around-- why i stayed, understanding victims and victimhood, understanding patriarchy that gives all the excuses to men, or how a woman should never get up in a man's face--and i have never done that either...my anger was always to a safe distance. but though as I write that i remember my lover, Lazarre, pushed me onto a sofa once and i bounced back up so bad and ran into him, pushing him. then we were at a party and some guy was giving me so much attention and brother came and held me up to the wall by my neck. I went ballistic. but If i was not writing i would not have ever remembered those incidents...and i am saying that is part of the story.
i am grateful that my fire energy and character of being a fighter and warrior will raise the hell up once a hand is put on me . The first time. There is no accepting and waiting. Fire right back. Nip that in the bud. Go crazy. IT will never be acceptable.
I am grateful I have never crossed over into deeper waters.
watching HLN interviewing the #whyistayed hashtag woman
overall, i generally didnt stay when stupidity, madness, dysfunction and ugly was going on/ But i see something that gives me concern in current times, because I have gotten older it seems I am more patient with the lot-- seeing how amoebic, crippled, and wane the population of real men, it is like there are things that i fought against in my youth that i just pass, say excuse me and siddle on by, accepting it in a way...and i am realizing that is a dangerous way to be..for it can easily be the slide that lets slip all manner of bad treatment...that you then have to extricate from
Sigh..
all these determinations
to just trying to live and love
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