Days of Camp

12:36am Wednesday January 23, 2013
Day 342 for days 343, 344 and 345, and 344...

Maybe I am haunted now without sleep because I have so many days of life and activities still with me; unwritten.

From the disappointments on Friday, I hung out on Saturday at a family (not mine) christening that ended up being a cool scene dancing and drinks lime. With Chase. And being cool with strangers and other strange fellows. One rasta man who kept coming up into my personal space and just staring. Chase had to tell him "she is known by me". Then another brother who just oozed sweetness of soul, he kept on spying me but only later at the end did we dance the floor together. While Chase poured drinks.

Then Sunday my two musketeers and I; the whole camp --it is what i am calling the three of us...went to Yorkes fete at Bishop East. It was interesting. Unlike previous fetes I have been to; I was not business with who was there, I was not looking for people; just totally embroiled with my two sentries...dancing, drinking, watching milieu of people and women in fashions and presentations...hearing the Point Fortin Engine Room... The previous night before i heard some phenomenal kalang they panned out that was so tribal, so deep, so  profound and cultural. it was amazing...it made me want to transport to previous times and origins. I need to learn what piece that is, and decided that night, Saturday, that i would also have to make a Point Fortin Borough Day. This  year, with the Camp> And so we had fun and adventures, Our first such embarking.

Then Monday I had an interview with Eve Anderson for the Australian AID/Embassy. Thought it was for 11am when in fact it was a one o'clock appointment. And the night before I let Charles have the car so he came and picked me up at 10am. And with no traffic; how who knows; i got there in fifteen minutes and had a fortyfive to spare only to discover No it was three hours...So we went to do his errand which was to give blood. And that was interesting. I too decided I would. And even  before I could get started, decided I would do that every year from now on for my birthday. but pull up selector, mash brakes. Turns out as always, when ever i try to give blood...my red blood count is low...the blood did not sink when it was pulled. A quick analysis showed i was lacking. So i kept my blood. And today I wondered and remembered of that blind seer man who told me not to ever shed blood in an offering...and i wondered could that issue and consistent block be related to that rule over my life? Kind of a fascinating connection and synchronicity not to wonder. But John gave and that is such a long process. A bare minimum hour and a half for that process. I met people there giving blood for many reasons: a career donor, who i later realized is in a tv commercial for losing weight. She had on the most beautiful purple and brown tank dress with cinched elastic waist. Had she just recently bought it, I would have gone in search of that dress, And a mother who was organizing a number for her daughter to give blood for her and they were humorous; the former rushing the latter. And a mother there with her about 6'5" 18 year old son...And families and wonderful fathers...A huge and tall Indian rasta with his wife and tiny needle of a daughter, and he sat with her on his lap, patting vigorously her legs and the way she was lodged into his chest and arms it well reminded me of grandmother action and practices. I was warmed by that...But my plans to end the day with lunch somewhere relaxing was not to be...Charles went home after a short stop and so ended our Monday Jaunt...even as we talked about being on the boat.

And i wanted to be on the boat...it was a day to celebrate. My interview turned out so well Melissa Dookie was in love with me, so thoroughly researched and investigated me, she found my first published essay on the net and read it. I was floored. It now colors and limits my writing here. I must now be very careful on all what i divulge and to keep things that might be a deter elsewhere. But she was so impressed with my background and feeling that it is a perfect fit for the post with Australia. And it is. And when she called me on Friday for the interview I was given to thought and reflection on the ad again And told myself it is not my fault that i have not been employed these years, and it is not about me and how i am in personality as I have been made to weather the negative comments of the ignorant about me. but The fact that I have a very rare, specialized and not in demand background here in this background turd world country...and so this was the first development post ever in all these years. And Here was Melissa telling me. I was prime and primo among all candidates and many showing up totally unmatched for the qualifications or its veneer...It felt great to have that much support. I have never experienced that. She told me I was the first and chosen. So we shall see if Australia agrees. She also went onto say that Australia is concerned for a well matched person beyond qualifications...she mentioned personality and i asked well what are they looking for and she mentioned: work ethic. and there i was again, thinking BOOM in my mind cause that is one of my cultural gaps in this place. I do not go to work to lime, to chat, to make friends or to dither,..but that all is what trinidad workplace is about... So great hopes

And then that afternoon the Camp again was to go to the bush, but it got late, traffic began and Charles did not feel his best so we put it off till Tuesday morning. And that is what I did with Cammy. Charles saying the flu was at his heels. So I went to San Raphael to see Chase's family land and compound and to hear of his dreams to make money and get sustainability...where I just saw a lovely spot to have a quiet home...I did not get to it, but understand two large rivers intersect at the location: the Caroni and the Cumuto and one is about 20 ft deep, and not really for play or swimming as it is full of caimans. ;( (alligators)...but we feigned work, me more than him. I was just his cleaner and helper. Having fallen on my right wrist and hand Saturday night...I realize I have not much power...

And I came home feeling innervated for being in the sun, moving a bit of muscle, and breathing clean air..I cant live there though. My first and main consideration at any time I encounter country property: to search for opportunity. We talked a lot Chase and I. we often do. Share a lot of personal stuff. It is interesting. I between two wonderful men and wanting both of them.

And that gets me to now. I was feeling real sleepy early in the evening. Falling on myself in front the computer. Tried to go to bed at 9pm but made the mistake to keep the tv on, and so my head filled with thoughts. How i could have approached and introduced myself to Yorke for him to help me manifest and out on my Feb 10 event.. And how i thought to dig out (i have made great strides for i dont even remember his name) eye's for being so hateful toward me and not responding to my communications...But that is good.  My mind was just running circles and playing snakes and ladders, what ifs and possible encounters and outcomes. The things you do to keep sane in real life: playing out the vengeful so you dont have to in real life...and so awakeneness took me. And when this happens I wonder if there is not some spirit about me. I was never like this. And this has happened twice in recent days. I just suspect it is the level of human interaction and activity...The body and mind never gets to download and empty to not be entertained and interconnected to find rest. So unusual for me..

But this is life this 2013

And then this evening in between trying to get to sleep and doing facebook, a friend gave me a coded message...Seeming to indicated I was and have been and will be chosen for an ACP (African Caribbean Pacific) contract..making big Euros per day...How Hallelujah!. Time will tell.So you see what i mean? All this in my brain...

And speaking of brain, sometime I swear I am losing cells like weight...I could not add today. II am forgetting much and many things..But I prayer and will just have to work to reverse it. I imagine just falling myself into allowing love to just envelope me and that will cure me. Or I will have to do more brain work to stop the slide. Who knows. Hopefully this is just my overworking thoughts that can be stilled

Hopefully this purge and writing is just that...

But in the midst of all this activity...there have been moments, twice i remember, night times where I feel and recognize how at peace i am in this camp. It is like they have an overwhelming calming effect on me. Charles in particular and Chase too, but to a lesser extent. it is wild. I felt it clearly yesterday...I am lucky. I hope i stay so. I hope it grows.

Good Night
1:13am


 

"We all take peeks at the other side of the veil every night."
Rob Brezny's Freewill Astrology