i am repeatedly amazed
so many people have way more month than money
and the people who have more month than money
they have jobs which require to dismiss, be rude and deny
others, who also have way more month than money
it is amusing./ but also the signifier of the sickness of modern life
heck, civilization on the whole when i think about slaves on the plantation
after the poor decrepit overseer, it was also the slave who meted out punishment
to his fellow slave
there was a post last evening that would have been so profound
as a public policy discussion point.. it was public,. i reposted it but not without effusing my undying support and willingness to stand in the gap.
the idiot comes running to me telling me he is not on the verge of suicide.
no one talked suicide. no one considered suicide. I was seeing a skilled professional not being paid well enough to survive. i saw a potential for entrepreneurship, you see how often i have some business idea. and right now I am sitting on two eggs. eggs that others brougth to me by the way, not what i hatched myself. both of them entirely related and could use that kind of input from this fella. but what does this male do.? i am yet to fully understand or embrace the behavior.ll i could see is cowardice.dissonance, deceit and dishonesty. which being my self i confronted him with. he writes me after asking me to take it down, changing the setting on the post, "no offense" this while I had also sent a friend request...i replied, "none taken; just cowardly and dishonest" only after ward did i realize deceitful too though. but what was amazing it was not that he was all these things to me, who heard his cry, responded to his call, and was extending a hand of friendship, but to himself. how do you write your soul and then come back when someone says, wow, i am going through the same thing, and you reply, well it really wasnt all of that, i was just having a bad day. and all i wake up thinking today, is we then wonder why these assholes end up killing their family or driving off a cliff why we constantly mull the inability of males to process their feelings.and experiences. i mean seriously, in what universe would some stranger "hold space" for someone (and you should google and read and research what that means to hold space, and the person comes in and metaphorically demolishes the sacred, the attempt, the effort. essentially what this douen did was to smash his own sacredness/ this idiot could not even see what i was trying to do for him. and he certainly did not know that in the first minute of reading his post i was wondering how i might get him an IT programmer work and involvement on two projects i have brewing, one with tstt the other with social media management and monitoring. sigh. unbelievable.
there is a lot we dont deal and talk about in this place
in one post: public policy, employment, income, male emotional health,
collective responsibility, support, respect, and we never consider how we might stand in the gap and save each other
now.
i am given to lengthy pauses while i wrote that.
i pause to reflect and acknowledge how i have spurned people of my past who tried to help me. i dont know if i have ever had anyone to hold space for me. i often look back and see i was often surrounded by emotional idiots. the high point being when my brother died and not my boyfriend at the time or my long time girlfriend were there for me. the latter , she and i only talked about it like last year when her mother died. look at the time that was required for some maturity, depth and exposure for us to have a conversation and you might get to what i am trying to express..
but i think too i am having some of these experiences as karma/ and if not, dharma, to show me that you may wish to be such a beautiful person to others but the beasts out here may prevent that from translating to any worth other than aborted encounters. one must choose one's gifts and blessings per each situation and to each person. nothing foregone, nothing across the board
i am given another pause too ..i now realize i was dealt with that twice yesterday. the other not so cut and dry, but you end up in a situation with someone, who was with you and party to the play of a situation, but when it goes awry, the try to bail on you and leave you to deal with the spill by yourself. I found that amazing. I am really growing as a person. I have grown tremendously. I had no visible reaction. this person never knew they had just been swallowed up by the earth and burned in a pit of fire, that i should never again walk along side this person let alone stick my hand, neck or any member or word in their support or defense/ and we were there because I was in a meeting proposing their image management. but i calmly told them if they wanted to leave then take care of the whole thing, their half, or i am leaving too. just as calmly and sweetly. it never got resolved, the third party we were waiting for came and cleared the matter up but i was left with the offering, this is who this person is: that decrepit.
and people are sick
you know how all this started in my mind?
i woke up with a vision of a moment in time yesterday
a black person listening to sat on the radio while we sat at the hyatt for drinks and a meeting. and when that happened a switch flipped in me. the switch was: there is no way i am sitting on this patio listening to sat maraj, and i verbalized that and it was time for us to go. there is so much wrong with that picture. it takes so many kinds. grossly i was wondering what is the mind and psychology of a person to sit and listen to someone who is so intrinsically opposed to their well being. and even as i write that I dont know that is true, i just know that this person's views, iconography, representation is not to be presumed and assumed to be for the betterment of people who look like me. and this is what gets me. there is so much in this country that is never confirmed, just alluded to, pictured, mythologized.. you as a sensible person are robbed of the facility to make your own judgements, but you know that engaging this situation or person in any serious way is a no no
that between the devil and the deep blue sea thing
too many things are out of line and sync here
too many persons are living in forms of denial and deceit
and i feel i need inoculation against all forms of the madness
instead, to survive and live independently, i must be sucked in
god give me grace
so many people have way more month than money
and the people who have more month than money
they have jobs which require to dismiss, be rude and deny
others, who also have way more month than money
it is amusing./ but also the signifier of the sickness of modern life
heck, civilization on the whole when i think about slaves on the plantation
after the poor decrepit overseer, it was also the slave who meted out punishment
to his fellow slave
there was a post last evening that would have been so profound
as a public policy discussion point.. it was public,. i reposted it but not without effusing my undying support and willingness to stand in the gap.
the idiot comes running to me telling me he is not on the verge of suicide.
no one talked suicide. no one considered suicide. I was seeing a skilled professional not being paid well enough to survive. i saw a potential for entrepreneurship, you see how often i have some business idea. and right now I am sitting on two eggs. eggs that others brougth to me by the way, not what i hatched myself. both of them entirely related and could use that kind of input from this fella. but what does this male do.? i am yet to fully understand or embrace the behavior.ll i could see is cowardice.dissonance, deceit and dishonesty. which being my self i confronted him with. he writes me after asking me to take it down, changing the setting on the post, "no offense" this while I had also sent a friend request...i replied, "none taken; just cowardly and dishonest" only after ward did i realize deceitful too though. but what was amazing it was not that he was all these things to me, who heard his cry, responded to his call, and was extending a hand of friendship, but to himself. how do you write your soul and then come back when someone says, wow, i am going through the same thing, and you reply, well it really wasnt all of that, i was just having a bad day. and all i wake up thinking today, is we then wonder why these assholes end up killing their family or driving off a cliff why we constantly mull the inability of males to process their feelings.and experiences. i mean seriously, in what universe would some stranger "hold space" for someone (and you should google and read and research what that means to hold space, and the person comes in and metaphorically demolishes the sacred, the attempt, the effort. essentially what this douen did was to smash his own sacredness/ this idiot could not even see what i was trying to do for him. and he certainly did not know that in the first minute of reading his post i was wondering how i might get him an IT programmer work and involvement on two projects i have brewing, one with tstt the other with social media management and monitoring. sigh. unbelievable.
there is a lot we dont deal and talk about in this place
in one post: public policy, employment, income, male emotional health,
collective responsibility, support, respect, and we never consider how we might stand in the gap and save each other
now.
i am given to lengthy pauses while i wrote that.
i pause to reflect and acknowledge how i have spurned people of my past who tried to help me. i dont know if i have ever had anyone to hold space for me. i often look back and see i was often surrounded by emotional idiots. the high point being when my brother died and not my boyfriend at the time or my long time girlfriend were there for me. the latter , she and i only talked about it like last year when her mother died. look at the time that was required for some maturity, depth and exposure for us to have a conversation and you might get to what i am trying to express..
but i think too i am having some of these experiences as karma/ and if not, dharma, to show me that you may wish to be such a beautiful person to others but the beasts out here may prevent that from translating to any worth other than aborted encounters. one must choose one's gifts and blessings per each situation and to each person. nothing foregone, nothing across the board
i am given another pause too ..i now realize i was dealt with that twice yesterday. the other not so cut and dry, but you end up in a situation with someone, who was with you and party to the play of a situation, but when it goes awry, the try to bail on you and leave you to deal with the spill by yourself. I found that amazing. I am really growing as a person. I have grown tremendously. I had no visible reaction. this person never knew they had just been swallowed up by the earth and burned in a pit of fire, that i should never again walk along side this person let alone stick my hand, neck or any member or word in their support or defense/ and we were there because I was in a meeting proposing their image management. but i calmly told them if they wanted to leave then take care of the whole thing, their half, or i am leaving too. just as calmly and sweetly. it never got resolved, the third party we were waiting for came and cleared the matter up but i was left with the offering, this is who this person is: that decrepit.
and people are sick
you know how all this started in my mind?
i woke up with a vision of a moment in time yesterday
a black person listening to sat on the radio while we sat at the hyatt for drinks and a meeting. and when that happened a switch flipped in me. the switch was: there is no way i am sitting on this patio listening to sat maraj, and i verbalized that and it was time for us to go. there is so much wrong with that picture. it takes so many kinds. grossly i was wondering what is the mind and psychology of a person to sit and listen to someone who is so intrinsically opposed to their well being. and even as i write that I dont know that is true, i just know that this person's views, iconography, representation is not to be presumed and assumed to be for the betterment of people who look like me. and this is what gets me. there is so much in this country that is never confirmed, just alluded to, pictured, mythologized.. you as a sensible person are robbed of the facility to make your own judgements, but you know that engaging this situation or person in any serious way is a no no
that between the devil and the deep blue sea thing
too many things are out of line and sync here
too many persons are living in forms of denial and deceit
and i feel i need inoculation against all forms of the madness
instead, to survive and live independently, i must be sucked in
god give me grace
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