if your star burns too bright
they will shoot you down and bury you
and you will never know the impact
until decades later
#whitepeople
#whitepeopleacademics
#msusandrabatie
sometime you ask yourself, 'did this shit really happen to me?
who knows?
Should we call for a tribunal? Can we even? and i just think of the secretary Sherry who showed me the letter telling me, "in all the years working there she never saw a letter of recommendation written in that way or format"
my ladylord help me from sinking further from the first drown
Ask me about it.
Ask me about her
In a timing I will write the whole story
How I was selected after a three month application process to be the National Representative for Agricultural Economics as a field on DC Capitol Hill. And only once selected did they insist on speaking to my academic advisor, who with the greatest treachery and subterfuge imaginable, blew that to smithereen with sarin gas -- a letter ...
Want to know the heartbreaking thing of this in its sequence and prolonged torture.
For years, I never knew what happened. YEARS> my heart breaks thinking about it now.
It took me like two years to open my mouth to broach the subject. I did so to the secretary, She showed me the letter. She shared her own views and because it was so different she never forgot it.
This is from 1998 or so? I found out about two years later.
It is now 2015, I am now finding out the magnitude of that event, How i was blackballed back then to now. and How only now am I seeing the wake of career destruction it was...still lasting.
I think of the people who i passed by who hadnt a clue: Fred Poston who tried to help me out but these people did not know what was going on with me as Likewise, I was lost...only now, after my reputation got mangled in the machinery of white supremacy, racism and jealousy. my lady lord. Help ME. I feel I could fall down into another petrification and paralysis
------------
"All of this has left Dyson wondering if West was ever happy for anyone’s success—Obama’s or otherwise. On a personal note, Dyson’s has made a name for himself under the mentorship of West.
But with each success Dyson mounted, he says, there seemed to be a simmering passive-aggressiveness from West."
I read that on the dyson west fiasco and I am brought/taken to Sandra Batie's door...is it that her treachery of me when I stood set to take the first time ever newly created position as Representative for my field in Agricultural Economics at no where less than the DC Capitol as if The Head of National Lobby for the field of study...
they will shoot you down and bury you
and you will never know the impact
until decades later
#whitepeople
#whitepeopleacademics
#msusandrabatie
sometime you ask yourself, 'did this shit really happen to me?
who knows?
Should we call for a tribunal? Can we even? and i just think of the secretary Sherry who showed me the letter telling me, "in all the years working there she never saw a letter of recommendation written in that way or format"
my ladylord help me from sinking further from the first drown
Ask me about it.
Ask me about her
In a timing I will write the whole story
How I was selected after a three month application process to be the National Representative for Agricultural Economics as a field on DC Capitol Hill. And only once selected did they insist on speaking to my academic advisor, who with the greatest treachery and subterfuge imaginable, blew that to smithereen with sarin gas -- a letter ...
Want to know the heartbreaking thing of this in its sequence and prolonged torture.
For years, I never knew what happened. YEARS> my heart breaks thinking about it now.
It took me like two years to open my mouth to broach the subject. I did so to the secretary, She showed me the letter. She shared her own views and because it was so different she never forgot it.
This is from 1998 or so? I found out about two years later.
It is now 2015, I am now finding out the magnitude of that event, How i was blackballed back then to now. and How only now am I seeing the wake of career destruction it was...still lasting.
I think of the people who i passed by who hadnt a clue: Fred Poston who tried to help me out but these people did not know what was going on with me as Likewise, I was lost...only now, after my reputation got mangled in the machinery of white supremacy, racism and jealousy. my lady lord. Help ME. I feel I could fall down into another petrification and paralysis
------------
"All of this has left Dyson wondering if West was ever happy for anyone’s success—Obama’s or otherwise. On a personal note, Dyson’s has made a name for himself under the mentorship of West.
But with each success Dyson mounted, he says, there seemed to be a simmering passive-aggressiveness from West."
I read that on the dyson west fiasco and I am brought/taken to Sandra Batie's door...is it that her treachery of me when I stood set to take the first time ever newly created position as Representative for my field in Agricultural Economics at no where less than the DC Capitol as if The Head of National Lobby for the field of study...
Is it that she
could not envision someone she trained her junior taking up the height
of such a position? that it was just personal jealousy and envy, worse
yet from a black hen???WOW"
" just like Baties recommendation of me:
"Dyson recalled a time earlier in his career when a weekly Philadelphia newspaper was doing a cover story on him and he asked if West would contribute to the story, which was bound to have critical momentum. He was hoping for words of encouragement and positivity from a peer, but what he got was backhanded compliments and criticism."
similarly, it was when I was already chosen for the post, had sailed through all the previous guardrails and gates, that they insisted speaking to my "advisor" that sandra batie came in and blew that to smithereens. i swear every time i write it now I seethe, cause only now am i seeing in hindsight the magnitude of the thing. you know things happen and you feel you are big and capable enough to transcend it, only for you to have journeyed along to find that untrue. well. yeah. that. here i am. and i map it all back to that.
then what is worse I had family members tells me that it was what i did wrong, or my inability in social relations. their dumb and unexposed, having no clue of these type games, chess or empire challenges. sigh.
"“Oh, ‘Dyson’s a rhetorical genius,’ West said, ‘but has tilts of self-interest and aggrandizement,’” Dyson recalled. “This is my recommender. This is my reference writer. [West said] Dyson is a genius and he goes on, rhetorical, but sometimes you want him to, say, ‘Put a period on it.’”
"i understand so much more now, but at such a high cost and so much loss that i wonder if it can ever be regained.
"“Is this jealousy? Is this extended resentment? Feeling that your day has passed, that your moment is gone? That your life no longer shines as bright and you don’t see yourself as an elder statesman that’s able to embrace the coming of others?” Dyson said. “These things have been developing longer than Obama and his presidency.”"
----------------
{how do you tell people: "I was so brilliant and on an ever rise to stardom that they tripped me, knocked the ladder, blew up the building and sarin gassed the state and my field.
so here i am
who would believe you.
but it is there. and i did not even know it
but reading dyson on west, mirrors for me the exact same.
i was dyson. sandra batie was west.
but she was not as kind as west.
she did not bad talk and malign me
when you erode and destroy the pinnacle,
what else can follow?
what was at stake was akin to me being the first black president of the us
I was going to be the first ever national representative of the field of agricultural economics. something that did not exist before. and located at DC Capitol Hill the Building of Representatives. And not only all of that, I was a black woman.
how was sandra batie abiding that?
she did nt
I am so tired to realize what I survived, just with my breath to tell the story, nothing else. I am tired and broken.
understand this is a new revelation..to realize i was blackballed, it was my sister masego who just told me that days ago. and to now realize my dearth started a lot longer and long before i was even aware: 1998 or so? and it is like I even did not recognize at the time the magnitude of the mountain i was climbing. i cringe. and i was doing it alone. no help. no support. no recommendations. just blindly. but i had the goods, the gall and the confidence of wherewithal. it was for people to stop me not give me permission.
But i learned something else recently...that when you moving through like that, you are to have an army, that forwards before you, left and right flank and a strong rare that blocks and protects your progress. I never had that. only those looking on, not knowing what they were looking at, its phenom, nor the attacks silent, just the downfall.
i am stunned.
i have been here the whole time and even i am stunned!}
-----------------
for those of you who think you are walking through the world free and unimpeded.
for those who think white supremacy and racism doesnt exist' and have its many ever growing tentacles all over imperceptible
for such ignorance. i forgive you
cause i now realize, you were never on the road to greatness, so they neednt bother
i am floored
-------------------
a few weeks or months ago there was an article that focused on working class students who dare to navigate graduate school and terminal degrees in american academe. it outlined the fissures and the blindspots. when I read that article I saw myself. when you are working class, no matter how much money your dad had, how many cars you had since you were sixteen, your sheep skin coat and white leather cowboy boots at highschool or the wads of cash your father delivered to you when he visited you at college so your college boyfriend can tell you about it a decade later. none of that...you still working class if your landscape, experience and journey is new in your clan, among your kin and kith. I am the only one in my family to have a phd from the US System. And I dont think there is another phd from anywhere in my family, upon anyone. but i am still the scourge cause they have no idea of these type realities and dynamics
again, i am learning this day on April 20th, the extent to which all these parts played in my career assassination as designated and enacted solely by sandra batie
" just like Baties recommendation of me:
"Dyson recalled a time earlier in his career when a weekly Philadelphia newspaper was doing a cover story on him and he asked if West would contribute to the story, which was bound to have critical momentum. He was hoping for words of encouragement and positivity from a peer, but what he got was backhanded compliments and criticism."
similarly, it was when I was already chosen for the post, had sailed through all the previous guardrails and gates, that they insisted speaking to my "advisor" that sandra batie came in and blew that to smithereens. i swear every time i write it now I seethe, cause only now am i seeing in hindsight the magnitude of the thing. you know things happen and you feel you are big and capable enough to transcend it, only for you to have journeyed along to find that untrue. well. yeah. that. here i am. and i map it all back to that.
then what is worse I had family members tells me that it was what i did wrong, or my inability in social relations. their dumb and unexposed, having no clue of these type games, chess or empire challenges. sigh.
"“Oh, ‘Dyson’s a rhetorical genius,’ West said, ‘but has tilts of self-interest and aggrandizement,’” Dyson recalled. “This is my recommender. This is my reference writer. [West said] Dyson is a genius and he goes on, rhetorical, but sometimes you want him to, say, ‘Put a period on it.’”
"i understand so much more now, but at such a high cost and so much loss that i wonder if it can ever be regained.
"“Is this jealousy? Is this extended resentment? Feeling that your day has passed, that your moment is gone? That your life no longer shines as bright and you don’t see yourself as an elder statesman that’s able to embrace the coming of others?” Dyson said. “These things have been developing longer than Obama and his presidency.”"
----------------
{how do you tell people: "I was so brilliant and on an ever rise to stardom that they tripped me, knocked the ladder, blew up the building and sarin gassed the state and my field.
so here i am
who would believe you.
but it is there. and i did not even know it
but reading dyson on west, mirrors for me the exact same.
i was dyson. sandra batie was west.
but she was not as kind as west.
she did not bad talk and malign me
when you erode and destroy the pinnacle,
what else can follow?
what was at stake was akin to me being the first black president of the us
I was going to be the first ever national representative of the field of agricultural economics. something that did not exist before. and located at DC Capitol Hill the Building of Representatives. And not only all of that, I was a black woman.
how was sandra batie abiding that?
she did nt
I am so tired to realize what I survived, just with my breath to tell the story, nothing else. I am tired and broken.
understand this is a new revelation..to realize i was blackballed, it was my sister masego who just told me that days ago. and to now realize my dearth started a lot longer and long before i was even aware: 1998 or so? and it is like I even did not recognize at the time the magnitude of the mountain i was climbing. i cringe. and i was doing it alone. no help. no support. no recommendations. just blindly. but i had the goods, the gall and the confidence of wherewithal. it was for people to stop me not give me permission.
But i learned something else recently...that when you moving through like that, you are to have an army, that forwards before you, left and right flank and a strong rare that blocks and protects your progress. I never had that. only those looking on, not knowing what they were looking at, its phenom, nor the attacks silent, just the downfall.
i am stunned.
i have been here the whole time and even i am stunned!}
-----------------
for those of you who think you are walking through the world free and unimpeded.
for those who think white supremacy and racism doesnt exist' and have its many ever growing tentacles all over imperceptible
for such ignorance. i forgive you
cause i now realize, you were never on the road to greatness, so they neednt bother
i am floored
-------------------
a few weeks or months ago there was an article that focused on working class students who dare to navigate graduate school and terminal degrees in american academe. it outlined the fissures and the blindspots. when I read that article I saw myself. when you are working class, no matter how much money your dad had, how many cars you had since you were sixteen, your sheep skin coat and white leather cowboy boots at highschool or the wads of cash your father delivered to you when he visited you at college so your college boyfriend can tell you about it a decade later. none of that...you still working class if your landscape, experience and journey is new in your clan, among your kin and kith. I am the only one in my family to have a phd from the US System. And I dont think there is another phd from anywhere in my family, upon anyone. but i am still the scourge cause they have no idea of these type realities and dynamics
again, i am learning this day on April 20th, the extent to which all these parts played in my career assassination as designated and enacted solely by sandra batie
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